Your Attention Please:
I am desperate. So desperate that I will begin this year’s year end wrap up with my cry for help. It is only 4 months to April Fools Day and I am trying to come up with the Fool to end all Fools. Every year I somehow have come up with ways to get my wife Wendy. This has included coercing people she works with, our kids’ teachers, random strangers and pretty much everyone that surrounds her to do something not so nice. This year, I would like one to put it over the top and am asking for your suggestions. Sending this request out to such a wide distro pretty much ensures that she will be a pile of nerves on April 1 and will trust no one. That is why I need your help. How, oh how can I serve the knockout punch? Please, Please, Please. Let me. Let me. Let me…get what I want this time.
Domo Arrigato.
The Wrap Up You Are More Accustomed To
Hello, my name is Andy Lipshultz and I will be your narrator for this year end wrap up in music and Lipshultzeses (Me, Wendy, Zack, Becca and Pete). Watch as I narrate. Stand back now.
This is where the magic happens.
TOP 5 PIECES OF MUSIC I LISTENED TO THIS YEAR…EVEN IF THEY DID NOT COME OUT THIS YEAR
1) Saturday Night Live “Special Christmas Box” - Was I disappointed I had already bought Wendy her holiday gift? Hells yeah. Could have saved a ton. http://www.nbc.com/Saturday_Night_Live/videos/
2) Ben Harper “Both Sides of the Gun” – Ben Harper’s most consistently solid studio record since his best “Fight For Your Mind”
3) Matisyahu “Youth” – The Hasidic Reggae guy makes a solid studio record. He’s coming out with a new one now after Youth that has a cover of Message In a Bottle that could take Matisyahu over the top.
4) Gomez “How We Operate” – At one point was a lock for #1 of the year. Still great.
5) The Hold Steady “Boys and Girls in America” – Elvis Costello and Bruce Springsteen together
My Predictions for 2007-2008
Within 2 years a major label will look at its losses and infrastructure to support physical distribution and announce plans to stop manufacturing CDs.
Hillary doesn’t get the nomination. Dems get a true shot at winning.
I will use the bathroom within the next 20 minutes.
I was going to write that McCain beats whoever the Democrats put up, but I think he’s about to take the fall for Bush’s latest Iraq misstep
Gore’s ‘Inconvenient Truth’ is shown on broadcast TV and there is a public outcry that sways lawmakers to take on big oil and auto
OJ finally admits to shooting the sheriff but denies complicity in the disappearance of the deputy
I will be late in getting this list out
Internet Content ratings for kids gains steam
Wendy files for divorce on April 2
Jay Leno finds new and inventive ways to be unfunny
One of my kids uses the f-bomb in context…and it is funny
Within 2 years, the NHL goes outside of North America to save the league
Someone will ask me to take them off this list
My use of the word ‘dude’ becomes increasingly less fitting for my age.
A US wireless carrier and bank talk about a merger
I hit my long overdue growth spurt
Steelers make a great showing against the Saints in 2008 Superbowl. This justifies the huge freakin’ flag I put out this past 8-8 season
When her friends bag out at the last minute, Wendy resorts to a night of heavy drinking and karaoke with Becca
You think of a great comeback too late to say it
Songs I Obsessed Over from Albums I didn’t….
Long Winters – “Shapes” and Cinnamon”
Songs for Those the like Built to Spill
Minus The Bear “Hey Wanna Throw Up? Get Me Naked”
The Slip “Even Rats”
Panic! At the Disco “I Write Sins Not Tragedies”
The Fray “How to Save a Life”
Chris Brown “Yo (Excuse Me Miss)”
Half-Handed Clouds “You’ve been faithful to us clouds”
My Chemical Romance “Welcome to the Black Parade”
Chamillionaire and Weird Al Yankovic
Ok Go – Here it Goes. Just because of the video
Albums that probably would be in top 5 had I listened to them more this year
The Format “Dog Problems” – Long Live Queen!!!
My Chemical Romance “The Black Parade” – Long Live Queen!!
Clipse “Hell Hath No Fury” – Long Live Outkast!!!
Gnarls Barkley “St. Elsewhere” AND Beck “The Information” – Long Live Outcasts!!
The Lipshultz Annual “Mmmbop” (ie Guilty Pleasure) Award goes to…
Rock Star Supernova.
Let me just talk about my kids now, please
It is amazing to me how each of the kids discovers music in their own way. Becca, 4, is a sight to behold with her newly perfected guitar squint, Pete,2, has an insistence on playing random piano keys WITH sheet music. And there’s Zack, 6, with an intense desire to make his own playlists. His holiday gift of a Sansa digital music player inspired even further. Although my company did just get bought by Rhapsody’s company, Real, I will not take this opportunity to tell you how kick ass this player and Rhapsody service is as I am wistfully talking about my son, thank you. Part of the Rhapsody/Sansa experience is it automatically provides Rhapsody created playlists. Some of that music is a little old for Zack, even with the parental controls on. I saw he was listening to “Smack That” by Akon, I told him that I wasn’t crazy about him listening to it.
Zack: “Are there any grown up words, Dad?”
Me: “No, not really”
Zack: “But I really like it”
Me: “Some of the things they talk about are a little old for you”
Zack: “Ok then just don’t explain it to me so then I can keep listening to it…..Why are you laughing?”
Why my Netflix subscription rocks
Catching up on TV shows that are better than most movies. Specifically, Battlestar Gallactica and Arrested Development.
It’s Early, But Here Are My Semi-Retirement Plans So Far
Learn Drums
Get into Voiceovers and open a local business of some sort
Travel
Not un-retire
Travel I want to do
Spain
Egypt
Japan
Time
Travel I do not want to do
Chuck E Cheese
Why I love my kids
Zack’s sweet innocent nature in which everything is exciting (“If they get this field goal, it will be 3-0!!”) and he reminds me of myself as a kid. Becca’s inner spark, sense of humor and unbridled sensitivity. Pete’s laugh and wide-eyed look when he’s trying to say something funny.
Why I sometimes don’t
Ass wiping
Seriously, though. Why I hate my children.
Watching a version of yourself reminds you of your faults. More importantly, they are a growing statement of how fast time goes by no matter how desperately you want to bottle those incredible moments they give to you.
That’s it. Show’s Over. Go Home.
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